The Shadowland 

Needles

I feel sad. Guilty, almost.

I just realized something about D&D, something that I should have known but didn't. And since I've been Jess's only DM before Justin, I couldn't possibly have shown it to her. Like in real life, things happen that you don't want to happen. But also, like in real life, not all of them are temporary, or reversible.

I don't mean to be patronizing or anything, but as a player, I never wanted permanent bad things to happen to me, like death or permanent loss of some ability. So, as a DM, I thought it would be more fun if the players were sort of immune to that stuff. But now I realize that it's those things that makes the game fun. It's the possibility of loss that makes gain that much more rewarding.

Watch yourselves, guys. Isador isn't always gonna be there anymore.

Crash

I was at Alex's until about 5:15 PM today. I think Justin sprained my pinky when he fell on me... it hurts to type. Agh, whatever. Alex want's to DM now. He's already working on making his world. I invited my mother to play with us, if I make a new campaign out of the Nirvana plain thing, but she said she probably couldn't. This was directly after bitching at me that I don't let her play. Nice. I have enough money now to buy a 3.5 manual for myself... I'm thinkin' about it, and perhaps I'll sell my old manual to Jake, or Justin... or Zach or whoever. Still, I'm wondering if I should by a 3.5 manual or save up for The Suffering when it comes out this month. It looks so frickin' sweet... although, I took up one more chore, so now I finally get 10 bux a week... an actual increment of measure. $7 is such a weird amount to get each week. Whatever.

I'm gonna call Jess in a little bit. I just want to work on the computer for a few minutes first. She seemed to enjoy the session last night... although Jake noted that I seemed angry at Justin. I wasn't... I was more angry at the other players (in character) because they made me draw those damn cards.

Euphoria

My day didn't start out very well... but I didn't let it get me down, and most of it turned out fine. Kelley was late to my house, so I rushed all my morning stuff for no reason. I got a little more shit from that sophomore, yes, he's a sophomore, but I sensed that his insults were panicky and meaningless. "What the fuck are you lookin' at?" as I hardly looked at him when he walked past. "Fucker's lookin' at me like I'm a girl or something." I simply laughed as he walked away and thought "sorry, I got confused."

The main shit I got today, though, was in Taco Bell. I go in and we order our food (we = Jess and I). We're waiting for our food to arrive at the front table when some kind of idiot pssts me over. "Hey," he said. I looked at him, wondering what he wanted. "Are you the one?" I pondered for a moment, trying to discern what he meant. Realizing my coat, the connection went in my head. He hadn't meant "the one," he'd meant "The One," from the Matrix. I continued what I had been saying to Jess.

Before I finally exited, I was barraded with "Hey, where's Morpheus? Why aren't you on the Nebercaneszar? Hey, Morpheus sent me. I'm the Oracle." Maybe it was just me... but he seemed to know a little too much about The Matrix to be some random boy. Knowing the name of the ship, the Nebercaneszar? Only a Matrix geek would know that, seriously. The only retaliation I made to these boys was to his comment "Why aren't you on the Nebercaneszar?" To which I said "Because it's not real." And giving them the finger on my way out. I wasn't in the mood to be clever with them. I just wanted to leave... it was embarrassing to me for that to happen in front of Jess. I think my reaction of ignoring them, though, was my best choice. At least that showed Jess that I can be responsible... and not liable to act on the random ignorance that we encounter on the street. I hope that's how it is, anyways... I felt no need to stand up to them because they didn't really do anything wrong... and yet, I feel strongly that I wanted a bus to drop through the roof of Taco Bell. Maybe next time...

Hey, Justin, how'd your date go? Good? Bad? Meh?

Water

Perfect start to a day.

It's been raining all through the night, which I like because I like rain... but at a little after five AM, I woke up and realized that my room's roof was leaking again, more than it ever has before. luckily, I woke up in the first portion of when it started leaking, but I wasn't soaked yet. I transported all my stuff to the living room, where I fell alseep at a little past 5:30 AM.

*sigh* I won't see Jess during the school day at all, either. What a day this is going to be...

I'm not gonna be depressed, though. If I convince myself that I'll have a bad day, I will, so I'm not gonna do that.

Hugh?

I feel good, now. I have a good life.

Today, a junior was giving me shit in the locker room. I was angry... but... not... angry. I don't know. I was proud of myself for not caring that he was an idiot. Here's what happened...

I had put water in my hair to renew the gel (we had been doing acrobatics) and I was in the process of drying my hair off when he crashed into me, shouting "What the fuck?" and looking behind him as if someone had pushed him into me. Yeah right. I gave him a look of pity and continued to dry my hair. When I was finished, I went to leave, but he walked slowly in my way, saying "What're you gonna do about it?"
To this, I replied "I'm not even talking to you." Not in a defiant way, but merely in a way to signify that I hadn't even said anything to him about it, let alone try to spur him into fighting me or anything. After I said, "I'm not even talking to you," I left, as I'd gotten ahead of him. Before I reached the doors, he said "Don't cry, now." I turned around, a confused look on my face, and said "How am I crying?" To which he said "Shut the fuck up!"
My final words, as I left the locker room, were "Oh, that was a good one. How shall I ever cope with that comment." or something to that extent. He simply jeered at me as he walked past me on his way out of the room, as I talked to Zach in the hallway.

Like I said, I was proud of myself for sticking up for myself. I don't think I've ever defended myself to that extent before. Usually I just role my eyes and ignore them... I have a sneaking feeling he's going to do one of two things. One, he'll leave me alone, or Two he'll try to mess with me even more to get me to fear him. I won't.

I'm hanging out with Jess tomorrow, or so I hope.

Tomotomo

I hung out with Jess today.

I miss Jess. Right now, I miss her. *sigh*

Wine

We had districts at Fon Du Lac today. Two of three judges bitched us out for being rude! RUDE! It wasn't just that they came up to us and said that, no... they wrote it on our sheets and talked to the director of the meet... so we couldn't even be careful the next few rounds. Jeez... the Origami girl was there, no less. Despite the bitching, we got a 25/25/25. That's the best possible score there can ever be. What???

Jess and I are hanging out tomorrow, if you call it hanging out. We have to go to Tipler... and then she has to spend a few minutes on her essay. By that time, I'm sure we'll have minimal time before rehearsal. *sigh*

Butter

Allen called me... last night...

Cheese

Looking back on a blog I made, I saw the comment "well, anyways, that felt really good Jess." I'd like to clarify now; that looked bad, but I really meant the whole night. Watching E.T... sleeping in eachothers' arms... et cetera.

I wish I could get this Fire Hawk thing to work. I need the manual to know what the 27th word of the 18th line of the 41st page is. That's such a stupid defense.

I think I'm gonna take my manual to school today and read up on all the spells and see if there's another one like the Tinatre Trip-Trap. That way, I'll have a better idea of what level it should be, and I'll relay the info to Justin.

Broccoli

Today, I went to Alex's house and played some video games. We'll be playing at his house next Saturday, and Justin will be DMing. I just made up a spell for Tinatre, my character, to learn... I need to give it to Justin so he can put a level on it. It's called the "Tinatre Trip-Trap."

Also, today, I went out and bought an adapter for the DVD player and the TV. Guess what... the brightness isn't so f*cked up anymore! I'm happy. Ok, I didn't really buy it... my mom payed for it, but I actually knew what the hell was going on.

I'm making a duplicate character sheet of Tinatre, so that both Justin and I will have one. I need to know specifics about my ability scores and what spells I know. yeah...

I just watched the Academy Awards, like I thought I wasn't going to. My mom was happy that Sean Penn won... she saw Mystic River. I'm sorry Depp didn't win, babe.

When can we hang out next?